Somehow I have made it onto the cover of a magazine.
Me.
The most unlikeliest of the unlikely.
Before we go any further, here’s the thing you need to know about me. As I’ve aged I’ve become incredibly insecure about the way that I look. I’m just laying it out there. Honestly, insecure is not even a strong enough word to describe it. I’m not happy with my weight, my hair, my forehead, my smile, my calves, my stomach and on and on and on. I’m a mental mess about it.
Because of that, I really don’t like getting my photo taken anymore. Especially if I am not in control of the situation. What I consider a horrifying photo is inevitably what someone else posts of me on the internet.
So saying yes to the opportunity to be in the magazine, and doing a fashion spread in an uncontrolled environment was a huge leap for me. Honestly, a fashion spread? You’ve got the wrong girl.
And yet, something inside made me pause and give it some consideration. Truth be told, I’ve been wanting to branch out lately. To do something unexpected and different. To take a CHANCE.
So instead of running the other way, I said yes. I was terrified (like, really terrified) but I decided to do it anyway. (Shoutout to Michelle Pohler of Hello Fears for the kick in the ass.)
Of course, come wardrobe fitting time one of my biggest anxieties was realized. Although I came in happy and optimistic, I consistently didn’t like how I looked in any of the dresses I tried on. (And there were at least a dozen.) I was searching for something that was different than the gowns I usually picked (which were conservative and always black) but wasn’t finding one that flattered me in the way that I had hoped. (I am my worst critic, let me tell you.) The attendants brought me dresses of all different sizes ranging from my normal to four times bigger. (Yeah, you read that right.) At one point in the dressing room, I was in tears. My self-confidence had hit an all-time low and I was about 60 seconds away from calling the entire thing off. In fact, I had my phone out to make the call. It was precisely at that moment they brought the dress in. Hallelujah!
Although I was a bundle of nerves, the photoshoot itself turned out to be an enjoyable experience. The magazine had arranged for my nails to be done and had also brought in a phenomenal hair and makeup artist. Posing wasn’t nearly as awkward as I expected and my husband turned out to be a natural. (No lie. The man missed his calling.) I personally spent most of the time awkwardly trying to adjust the gown while also keeping my hair and necklace in place. I was basically held together by eyelash glue and badly applied body tape. But somehow it all worked!
Fast forward to a few weeks later when I discover that one of the group shots was selected as the cover of the magazine.
What?!? What is this life?!? How am I on the cover of a magazine at my age?
Now that the issue is out in the world and I have gotten a chance to look it over in its entirety, I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. It turned out so lovely! We didn’t tell anyone it was happening so it’s been fun to hear people’s reactions. Surprisingly one of the questions I’ve been most asked is “is that your husband?!” Well, yeah! I didn’t hire a stand-in, people.
So now through the magic of publishing (coupled with an outstanding wardrobe, incredible hair and makeup, double lashes, great photography, good angles, lighting and editing, and on and on) my husband and I have a memory to take with us for years to come. Not to worry though, our kids remain unimpressed. 🙂
So has this mega-glamorous opportunity somehow cured my insecurities and helped me accept myself a bit more? No, but I am moving in the right direction and I’m really grateful that I got the chance to have such a positive experience. I’m proud of the fact that I said yes and didn’t let my low self-esteem get the best of me.
Pushing past fear on this HAS encouraged me to tackle a few more, though. So maybe stay tuned for that…
Thank you Frederick Lifestyle Magazine for the opportunity of a lifetime!
Frederick Lifestyle Magazine Publisher: Amber Smith
Frederick Lifestyle Magazine Writer & Editor: Kristen Wojdan
Photographer: Michael Chance
Hair & Makeup: Ashley Chin of Glam Bridal Beauty
Attire: Deja Vu Boutique
Venue: Ceresville Mansion
Nails: Rose Nails Spa
Couples: Tony & Jennifer Checchia and David & India Chance
