Living in the great state of Maryland I’ve been lucky enough to experience some of the most glorious seasons. Personally I’m a huge fan of fall and spring, and sweatshirts—coincidentally—just happen to be my favorite clothing of all time.
But I dislike extreme weather. Scorching heat and icy winds are my nemesis.
Unfortunately I’ve had the opportunity to “enjoy” a few brutal winters in my hometown and I’ve noticed that each has a familiar pattern…
The 8 Emotional Stages Of Being Caught In A Blizzard
Stage 1: Excitement
It sounds great when the predictions first start rolling in, doesn’t it? Lazy days at home. Kids off of school. Working in your pajamas and hours of snacking while you binge-watch your favorite flicks on Netflix. You head off to the grocery store and pick up some goodies for the family, firmly convinced the downtime will serve as the semi-vacation you’ve been deserving.
Stage 2: Amusement
It’s all anyone is talking about. THE IMPENDING STORM. The weathermen are positively giddy with their snowfall predictions and tips on preparation.
And of the people stocking up at the grocery store, I mean it’s hard NOT to laugh at the chaos. (Seriously, four loaves of bread?) You saunter over to the liquor store to pick up a some adult beverages with visions of boozy evenings by the fire dancing in your head.
Stage 3: Amazement
Wow, that snow is really coming down! The forecast was correct. You hunker down for the duration with your glass of wine, extra blankets and supplies. Every once in awhile you get up and check outside to marvel at the accumulation. The news is on an endless loop of cautionary warnings, cancellations and revised accumulation predictions.
You venture out to shovel a bit and begin to realize just how much of a mess things might be. Because it’s just really NOT STOPPING ANYTIME SOON.
Stage 4: Tolerance
Okay, fine. This is definitely going to be a mess. (But you know what? You’ve got this!) You’ve tackled hard things before, right?
You resolve yourself to keep a good mental attitude and sail through this test from Mother Nature!
Stage 5: Frustration
You’re surrounded by the white stuff with not an end in sight. Outside. Melting on your floors. In your Facebook News Feed. On television. It’s like a total whiteout of your life. Wet snow clothes are piling up in front of the fireplace and no matter how many times you go out to shovel, it just seems like your efforts are completely in vain.
And another thing: when did your family get so demanding, anyway? Did their arms fall off? MAKE YOUR OWN FOOD, PEOPLE. All you want to do that this point is curl up with your Hot Toddy in a nice, quiet space.
Stage 6: Desperation
ENOUGH ALREADY. There is not enough alcohol in the world to get you through this. The snow is everywhere and plows are an endangered species. The laundry keeps piling up. The kids won’t stop whining about everything. (Every. Little. Thing.)
People luckier than you are have somehow managed to exit their homes successfully and rejoin the human race. You, however, can’t get your car out of the neighborhood due to the giant pile of snow still standing between you and the world.
Drinking has become your primary coping mechanism.
Stage 7: Insanity
You are losing it.
You haven’t showered in days. The food is all gone. Netflix isn’t helping. The liquor is in short supply. Schools have been cancelled. AND THERE IS STILL NO WAY TO GET OUT OF YOUR DRIVEWAY.
Drinking is your only saving grace.
Stage 8: Tentatively hopeful
And then ever so slowly the sun begins to peek out. A plow magically appears. A smile slowly forms on you face.
Until the weatherman triumphantly announces that another cold front is moving in.
It’s time for another liquor store run.
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